Everything I just explained {up there^^^} is exactly the OPPOSITE of who I am. And I'm the kind of person that would DRIVE ME CRAZY!!!
Let me put it into perspective for you:
2001-2003, I start diving into the world of stamping, and card making. I get to a point where I thought it was relieving me of some stress from school, life, etc. I spent TONS of money on stamps, embossing powders, tools, etc, etc, ETCETERA!!! I even got to the point where I was entering my home made, with love in every stamp, cards into contests and winning some. WAHOO! I thought to myself, "could I make money from this??? I better get more tools/stamps to push those boundaries further, allowing me to explore a world of cards that has only been dipped into..."
{Insert Ryan getting frustrated with Katy's spending habits....}
Eventually, I ended up with about six 3" wide binders with the collection of cards I had made...never really intending on giving them away because my brain had worked so hard in creating them, I felt like I was the only rightful owner of such gems! Well, this whole creative explosion lasted about 2-3 years, until my brain started to get frustrated with the idea of making another card. It became a stress creator instead of a stress reliever. Besides, my sister and mother were pretty much lapping me in creativity, awards, and success from their card making, it seemed there was little point to continue doing something that I now had begun to hate. With my creative mantra gone, I felt like a total failure at card making. No use trying to find my mojo anymore. I knew that ship had sailed! Money down the drain, as my plethora of stamps and tools collected dust.
{insert Ryan shaking his head...}
2004-2005, Mary Kay. Probably the WORST job I've ever gotten myself into. Let's just say it ultimately was intended to support my own skin care needs. I didn't really wear makeup. The only classes I would give were the ones I gave to my family. I gave my family my 50% discount because I couldn't bear to charge them full price. Let's just say I discovered I am the worst sales person EVER. I can't sell things to people...I have a hard time convincing them that they NEED this product when I don't need it myself. Plus, I don't think I was a consultant during a period they'd be proud of...everyone looked like painted clowns, lol! My philosophy was that if you want it, come to me. I'm not going to fish for customers...and because of that...I had none. I lost so much money with this job that the government paid ME money from my deficit.
{insert a not so happy Ryan...}
2006-2008, Jewelry. Ahhhh...BEADS...BEADS...BEADS!!!! I couldn't get enough of them. They were pretty. They were rocks. They were sparkly. They became jewelry {that I hardly ever wore...insert Ryan shaking...ya, you know...}. My sister first introduced me to memory bracelets. They quickly became very trendy and I was so happy to know how to make them! I thought to myself, "WOW! I've finally found something that I really love doing, that I could actually make money with!" BUZZZZZZZZ.....more like "I've finally found something that I can spend a lot of money on, never wear, never sell, and utterly fail at in the end."
{insert Ryan silently watching from the sidelines, repeating over and over in his head, "I trust my wife, I trust my wife, I trust my wife....." He may or may not have been rocking back and forth in a corner while sucking his thumb...}
Luckily, I had kept some tools left over from the card making bust {we don't talk about it anymore...}, so I only had a few hundred dollars of tools to buy left. My sister and I would attend the Bead Fair every 6 months, where Ryan
{insert.......}
Ahem....uh, ya. I spent WAY much more than I ever did in card making. But I kept telling Ryan that it was my release, my way of finding peace amongst my crazy world. Being the wife of a medical school student, and having two kids was HARD! I needed something to balance my unbalanced life! I had converted my daughter's closet into my little office, and I had everything organized. Let the creative juices FLOW! I even got to the point where I was blogging about it!
http://k8sjewelry.blogspot.com
After a year or two, when it became very obvious that I was going nowhere with my jewelry making, and it had again become a stress creator instead of a stress reliever. Eventually, the closet became a closet again. The beads went into a tupperwear, rarely dived into. I had every intention of picking it back up when I had more time. But that really was my excuse to Ryan so he'd go easy on me.
{Insert Ryan really trying to figure me out....unsuccessfully...}
Okay, where do we head to next? By the time I quit making jewelry, I had gotten quite frustrated that I hadn't found my niche...my Talent....the one thing I was good at that NO ONE ELSE IN MY FAMILY WAS BETTER AT THAN ME!!! I think this was a period of depression for me. I had my third child at the end of it. Life was definitely getting harder. But more than anything, I wanted something to blame my failures on. And I found something: my body.
2009-Present, Since I had something physical and tangible that I could blame my woes on, I started on that dark path that leads only to self destruction. I all of a sudden became VERY FAT in my eyes, I was depressed at the dangly skin that had formed under my arms, I was beyond mortified at the rolls of skin that flopped over my waistline. SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE! And yes, I wasn't really that fat. But I was 45 lbs over my goal weight (which was 10 lbs more than my pre-pregnancy weight...I had to keep it real!), and I was aghast that I had let myself get like this! Ryan...Can I go buy some free weig--
{Insert Ryan putting his foot down on any recreational spending...}
Okay then, so I asked Ryan what the cheapest and most effective way to lose weight was.
Running...
Blah
{Insert Katy looking very disgusted...}
{Insert Reminder that Ryan had put a stop to everything spending...with Katy's word that she'd behave herself!}
So, I started running. Never really got into this one like I did cards and jewelry. But it did give me results. There was the perfect 2 mile stretch right by my home that I would run with friends or by myself. I got to a point where I was running 8 minute miles. My fastest run in high school was 12 minutes. That's how pitiful a runner I am. But nothing really gave me that drive to really become a full on RUNNER.
Then I met Zumba Fitness. Ironically enough, the very first Zumba class I ever attended, I fell. On.My.Bottom! However, after a year of going to classes, I got the courage to ask Ryan if I could train to become an instructor. He relented because this was something I could LEGITIMATELY get a job with....and pay taxes for! I have to admit that it took some time to find my style as an instructor, and get over my fear of being in front of a crowd...wait...I never really had that fear. Scratch that last sentence. BUT...
I FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING I WAS GOOD AT, -- I MEAN--REALLY GOOD AT, -- THAT NONE OF MY FAMILY DID!!!!
I was so proud of myself. I even got a job. Paid taxes.
I'm even still at it. Not as strong as I was. And I've had plenty of times where I just wanted to throw the towel in and quit. But then I'd force myself to work and come out smiling and energized. Finally, a job that fit my personality style. I get reinforcement from it because I'm giving back to others!!! And a side benefit: I lost that 45 lbs!
2013-Present, Photography. I was very hesitant to dive into this world because I knew this was a type of business that I would have to "try and sell." {see years 2004-2005} However, I knew that I wanted to at least give it a good college try.
{insert Ryan knowing me well enough now that he said he'd support me in my smart decisions...}
Camera bought...pictures taken...amateur status increases. Better camera purchased...pictures taken...semi-pro status...business keeps coming. Thanks to a talent that speaks for itself, and the power of "word-of-mouth!"
This, like EVERY hobby adventure of mine has it's rocky points. Staying up all night editing images...trying to balance photo shoots with spending time with my family, and paying off my camera is hard. But I guess the difference between this and the other ones {besides Zumba}, is the feeling I get when a photo session is completed and they rave about how amazing their pictures turned out. It's the confirmation that this dive was worth it.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Anyways, to get back to the topic of this post: Why I'm the kind of person that would drive me crazy...
I asked Ryan not too recently ago if I was a workaholic. He just stared at me for 5/13th a second and then literally laughed OUT LOUD! It took me back. His laugh was like a mixture of the "maniacal laugh" {from Muppets} and a really low Trill on a stringed instrument. Was I just given the confirmation? I've been so concerned about keeping my spouse from that dreadful word, that I failed to realize I'm the one who's never satisfied without a task or job to do. And I'm just now discovering that I'm not a person that sticks with a particular job for very long either! Something that wasn't even an option in a potential future spouse for me. I even wonder what it is about them...I mean us...I mean ME, that keeps me hopping from one hobby/job/moneypit to the next...ALL THE TIME??? I've just come to the conclusion that it's just my nature. I get enthralled with one thing...live everything there is to live with it...get bored of it (or too stressed by it)...and then move on. Looking at it retrospectively, I make myself dizzy. I shake my head and beg Ryan for forgiveness for all the stress I put him through!
Just take a glance at that up there again...^^^...wouldn't that drive your BONKERS?
{insert a VERY thankful Katy, who is relieved she has a husband who is able to put up with it...}
I think Ryan secretly wishes all he had to deal with was my every 6 month rearranging of the furniture or every 18 month hair change. But I also think he secretly laughs at my quirky personality...and doesn't dwell too much on all the money we could have saved if we'd just stuck to his "well thought out and drafted plan."
Anyways, I'm glad I found my YING...because I'm a crazy YANG! If there's one thing I'm learning through all of this, besides the fact that I would drive myself crazy if I were in a relationship with me, is that I can now check myself with my spending habits. I no longer buy things out of impulse...all of the time. There have been days when I relapse, but I'm MUCH better than I was before.
...perhaps there's hope for me after all!
